My death. My killing.

The suffocation is back.

Some of you may remember the nightmare I had throughout October 2007.  In the dream I was wearing a white long dress standing in the middle of a lake with a baby in my hands.  The layers of my dress floating in water, slightly strangling the baby.
I was holding her tight. I loved her.

And then I drowned her. I could feel her little limbs struggling and the movement slowing down. Just when she stopped moving I realised she was me.  Suddenly the dead baby became so heavy she drowned me with her. The suffocation was so real I woke to it every single time.

And I had this dream again last night. The horror and the shock remains, the agony so concrete.

And guess what.

I saw the dress I wore in the dream. The dress I killed in. the same dress I died in.  It was right there on Pronovias 2010 collection.

Great to know it was after all a wedding gown. Oh Belyndia you are gonna murder yourself when you wed. ….

belated happy valentine's day

First of all I have to say thank you to my boyfriend Johnny who sent me roses and my darling Ivan who sent me Tiffany.  I was out of vase and called up both of them to stop them from sending me flowers on vday and see what happened.  Boyfriend insisted on sending roses (which I cut myself when trimming….not that I’m complaining) and best friend opted for diamond (although it was tiny….and no I’m not complaining neither). Who knows me better lol.

So. My vday. Maybe you spent the day with your cute boyfriend and you’re overwhelmed by romance. Maybe your long time crush asked you out and you had a great time. But mine was better. Cos I had my best girlfriends.  Went to Topshop again with the girls and may I say shopping is a lot more fun with your friends because no.1 you got to bring a lot more clothes into the changing room, no.2 it’s easier to take photos, no.3 everything is better with friends!

Pink ruffles top on me, Rose print body con on Shella

Lace ruffle sleeves 2in1 dress on Aegean

Look at the dress on Shella. The ribbon is so extravagant I love it

Pink cut out back dress. my fav piece. 

Topshop’s got a really nice collection this season. There’s so many pieces we tried on and like and so many I want to buy, except it’s mid February and I’m already in the red budget zone.  And regardless of that I still went to have a posh high tea with the girls. But it was very nice so totally worth it.

 Winter Garden in Landmark Hotel

By the way am thinking if I should perm my hair so had a little try out at home.

Shall I keep my hair straight or curl? 

 It’s the 4^th day of Chinese New Year. A bit late but happy New Year everyone! 

We always want more flowers….

I am talking about floral print (but then v day’s coming. More roses won’t hurt ;P). It's ridiculous how fast the weather is changing – last week I was so hyper about spring approaching and now it snows. Crazy global warming. But that doesn’t kill my crave for spring fashion. FLORAL PRINTS!!

ASOS floral print scarf, People'sMarket navy wool swing coat, White lace top from Japan, ASOS petite Kate jegging, BreadnButter red pumps, Sasa leopard print ruffles unbrella

The scarf is 100% cotton so quality is not amazing. But I love the sharp colours. Spring/Summer 2010 is all about creamy colour and floral print is like the only channel I can express the loud dramatic side of me.

can you see the butterfly on my bun?

not sure if you can see it on my hair but this is it. vintage butterfly hair claw from Barcelona

Looking at scarves I want a leopard print scarf! Animal print is kind of a winter thing but I still have a month to wear it right? Or maybe I should just stick to flowery spring…..

Hello Pandora

The movie Avatar being a smash hit makes blue everyone’s favourite colour. How blue is my life?

It's shown on my baking.

My darling friend Keith was visiting me last night and we planned to bake a honey cake. Just when I was done with the mixing Keith poured in half a bottle of blue colouring into the flour mixture. Guess what did that do.

TADA! we baked an avatar colour cake.

reminds me of the bird/dragon creatures in pandora.....

And how did it taste? Don’t be too disappointed it tasted just like any other honey cakes. Except with the blue I keep having this feeling that I’m eating chemical. It looks kinda poisonous doesn’t it.

Project F

So as I said I would I am now giving a little update for my Project F, aka How to lose a stone in 5 weeks.

As on the morning of 6^th February 2010

Weight: 54.6kg

Fat %: 28.9

Days left: 35days

Weights lost: NIL

Yesterday is supposed to be the official starting day of my dieting/exercising but then I had a minor hangover and ooosp I did nothing helpful to Project F.  oh well. By saying 5 weeks I’m giving myself a deadline on 13^th March,  and have to lose a stone/6.35kgs/14bls by then. What if I fail? I don’t know. Can you think of a punishment for me? But then if I meet my target I’m going to treat you all my dear girl a nice dinner. Deal?

it’s what on your head that matters

Got a parcel from my very loyal friend ASOS:D 

there is this flowery scarf that I am very happy that I bought. Will wear it soon and make a post featuring it ;) Next to the scarf my second favourite piece is a black silk with crystal hair band. I was just saying how much I want a hair band yesterday and now here it is! Just add a few feathers on it and I am Odile :D

Blakegodbold hair band, ordered from ASOS

When I was trying it on my adorable flatmate Eunice showed up in my room with a hat on. And guess what we did.

We put on full make up and walked around the flat with our hats. AND cleaned up the flat (By cleaning I mean properly mopping the floor and all). 

black wool hat from Topshop (on me), bowler hat from Japan (on Eunice)

LOVE Eunice’s hat – look at those flower details! Girly and super nice. I love hats but hardly wear them (actually I only started wearing hats last summer when cowboy hat and bowler hat became a smasher in Asia). Hate it when you have to take off your hat and you hair is left a mess. Guess I better stick with hair bands :P

Btw not really fashion related but it’s 01:43 now and I am supposed to work on my tutorial work. Except I can’t keep my hands off the latest Vogue. The illustration of the March issue is soooooo nice! Robin Derrick is so talented – almost as good as Grace Coddington (but Grace is legendary of course). Makes me want to see the American edition now! 

my physical and mental food that keeps me awake

Right I really should go back to my reading or bed now. Night night people x

can't wait till spring!

ASOS pink floral print dress / AA white tee / Abercrombie&Fitch jacket / 
vintage SaraLam scarf / SalvatoreFerragamo boots

Ferragamo black two-toned boots

Here they are my Ferragamo boots. Love hidden platforms – they are so much easier to walk in and give you instant heights. I still haven’t worn the flats yet but once I do you will know. Stay with me  won't you? :)

So it’s February already and I can smell spring in the air. Well at least from the magazines. And fashion websites. Some of you may know I did a research project on the discourse of online fashion retailing last month and may I say how much I believe in my main findings. These websites create occasions for us to shop - spring is a time to buy new clothes, so is summer and autumn and winter. We need outfits for gloomy London weather, as well as sunny days and rainy days. Most of us fall for these artificially generated festivals and buy whatever we are make-believed to need.

Well I am a hopeless victim in this case because I already feel the urge to shop an entire new wardrobe for spring. Fendi’s Spring/Summer 2010 collection is amazing – candy floss colours are so flowery and dreamy! A few items that I want for my spring wardrobe:

1. The Fendi dresses!! And look at those plastic platform shoes. Top of my wishlist.

2.  Stella Mccartney floral print dress. A casual piece to wear everyday this season!

3. Jimmy Choo heels. Nude tone shoes are so hot in spring. And I don’t have any shoes in nude colour can you believe it?

4. Hair bands – I adore hair bands. Such pretty things yet so easy to wear. Love this black feather one – Odile in Swan Lake?

Let's get ready for spring together - hello new clothes!

The struggle between comfort and size

Following a night of hard core working out I suffered from severe headache and ruinous laziness this morning and couldn’t get out of bed until noon. I feel awful. Lesson learnt is when you haven’t exercise for a long time, TAKE IT SLOW. Never attempt to do a whole month’s amount of sport in one go.
So. May I suggest this is the end of my attempt to go to gyms. (my god I can’t believe I am giving up before Eunice does. Oh wait or has she given up already? :P) I want a nicer body. I want to be toned and slim. But honey i lack the self-discipline to get out of my comfort zone and move my muscles and burn fat you name it. Let me be fat and happy. 

What got me out of bed in the end?  STARVATION. FOOD. What else. And right after eating I went out to get my new shoes – I am so excited about them!!! Will pair them up with the right outfits and have their photos uploaded real soon. I promise. 

The shoe place is in Strand and there’s a Topshop near by – for those of you who has read Aegean’s post I HAVE BEEN HUANTED by the need to go to Topshop. That rose print dress is utterly stunning and I just need to try it on you know. So I did. And was disappointed.

Pink flower cup bandeau dress, Topshop

I really like the dress. Love floral print (along with studs, laces, animal print and glitter lol) and isn’t that dress moonily romantic. But the dress I tried on is a size 10 i.e. US size 6. And I could barely breath in it. And my tummy is totally obvious even though I tried my very best to tuck in (then I thought of the heavy lunch/breakfast I had).  Sorry dress it’s not your fault but it just will not work between us.  :’(

Talking about sizes I am horrified by the fact that I am no longer a size 8. That Topshop dress is pretty tight but I couldn’t fit in a size 8 in Reiss neither (here you go i am thinking of what I ate again). Time to face my fatness (yes avoirdupois, or whatever you spell it)  and do something about it. I am 160cm/5ft3 and 54kgs/120bls/8.5stones. Yes I am 120bls. No I am serious.  So my target is to get down to 105bl in 3 months. Do you think it’s possible? (please don’t say no. I’ll be heartbroken and grieve til the end of time.)

Project F: Lose a stone in 12 weeks.

From now on I’ll put down my weight/measurement here every Saturday so you all can monitor and witness my progression. Give me your support people :)

ordinary school day. unexpected bliss

2^nd Entry of this blog: this site is closed.

No I’m kidding! I am not giving up yet don’t worry. :P

So Monday. I went to school and worked on my tutorial questions. Impressed? I’m tenacious in becoming a nerd – but a fashionable one. Thus I wore my 3.5 inches mary jane to school, only to realise I was almost late for lecture and had to run.

 Black patent Mary Jane, Bertie

Since I am writing this blog now I decided to take my camera with me everywhere. After all I guess you’ll all prefer to see pictures than my boring words (not that my photography skill is any good though. But you’ll all have to bear with it hahahaha). So what I’m going to show you is what I took on my way to/from school. Walking across Waterloo Bridge is very pleasant on a nice sunny day…..

AND on top of the beautiful views of the riversides I had a decent amount of exercise. Isn’t that a fillip.

So after 30mins of walking in heels guess what I did.

YES IT’S THE GYM.

My dear flatmate Eunice and Tri dragged me to this gym which is only a minute run from home. :)

I am living a healthy life style. Say you’re proud of me;)